it occurred to me that this whole experiment might not make too much sense to those who didn't hear my talk on sunday. so i'm going to summarize the thought process that led me to the point of my attempts and subsequent blog about them.
In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior admonishes us all to "be ye therefore perfect" (matt. 5:48). Seems daunting, right?
And we all eventually come to the point where we realize that we can't do it on our own. Or even really come close. When I was about 14, I realized I'd been sinning every day since my baptism, and would continue to make mistakes for the rest of my life. I was filled with bitter hopelessness. And then somehow, like Alma, I remembered Jesus and His atonement. I prayed "from the gall of bitterness," for Him to please accept me in spite of myself. I was filled with peace and love, knowing that His sacrifice would indeed cover my sins, and that He would give me part in His perfection.
The part I'd missed before was the covenant. Abraham was told, "Walk before me, and be thou perfect, and I will make my covenant between me and thee" (Gen. 17:1). Through the covenant of baptism, Christ takes us on, with all our imperfections, weaknesses, and yes, even the sins we have yet to commit. And if we are true to our covenants, we have access to His grace, which is "sufficient for all." We take the sacrament weekly to renew this covenant.
Without going too much into the etymology of the word perfect, the hebrew word used means complete, whole, having integrity.
I believe, and I'm sure there are other interpretations, that in asking us to be "perfect" He is asking us to be true to our covenants, so that we can come under the protective cover of His grace and atoning power. He asks us to make our actions consistent with our beliefs, to be honest in our prayers, and consistently trying to be better, and in all our trying, we should rely "wholly on the merits of him who is mighty to save" (2 Ne. 31:19). That's how we "endure to the end."
Elder LeGrand Curtis gave a talk in 1995 called "Perfection: A Daily Process," which intrigued me. He asks if we just wish we were righteous or if we really want it enough to forsake all the sins "that so easily beset" us. He also reminds us that where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Good point, I thought.
Where is my treasure? Well it's definitely not my work :) But is it being on the internet, talking to friends on facebook or blogging? Is it alone time when I finally get away from everyone? or is it really with my family? With God? With things that, you know, matter?
And I got to thinking that most of the time, I'm on autopilot. I'm just sort of generally doing the best I can every day. But is that really my best? Probably could do more. I got this idea that if I could somehow to jolt myself into a different mode, I'd feel more peace, more secure in His grace, knowing that I really was relying on Him throughout each day. Thus the experiment. And the blog was more for myself at first, to have a place to be accountable. But then, it was so much fun, I thought I'd share :)
So, in trying to be "perfect," it was really more of an attempt to consciously "choose the better part," see my dependence on the Lord, be accountable for how I use my time, ask the Lord to give me patience with my kids instead of just yelling at them, ask Him to grant me a more forgiving heart, etc. etc.
When you try it for a day, you start to see that you make many many judgment calls about how you spend your time. You have certain habits, you do things a certain way, you are used to dealing with your family members on certain terms. And when you are doing something special, something unusual, like trying to have a "perfect" day, you can break out of that a little. I found it liberating.
Then I found it hard when after a couple of days I was back to my same self, not full of the Lord but full of myself again...I still think it's fun to do it for one day--you should all try it--but now I'm trying to take little chunks of life and analyze them.
The point of this blog is not to obsess over every little thing I'm not doing. I just put that up because that's how that day went. It was a lousy day, and I made lousy choices, and I'm okay with that.
The point of this blog is to give me a place to think about things that pass me by on normal days. And it's to share with each other, to feel that we're not alone, to learn from each other's wisdom.
The point of this blog is to remind myself that He is full of grace and truth, that I am bound to Christ by my covenants as He is bound to me, and that He fills us with love and makes us better than we could ever be without Him.
Like I said, come along. This is going to be fun.
4 comments:
I could tell where your "Project perfect" concept was headed by your amazing day packed with quite perfect activities, (they just plain stood out because they were would "I should" fit into my day.
Thanks for sharing your talk. You really did an excellent job of dissecting it down to the nitty gritty. What time am I treasuring?
Yes I have come to treasure and soak up every kiss on my boys' heads, and increased cuddling, but I need to find that time to read scriptures to them, have family prayers with regularity!
I can totally see the "Finally alone time" as such a treasure. I am sure it is okay to have that and cherish it, but all things in order.
It is not good to hang on, and hang on, telling myself, oh when they go to bed I won't have to hear all the crying and I can be alone... The hardest part is feeling like everyone needs something from me. Everyone. Ugh, often with multiple children tugging at me at once it seems impossible to please everyone, and in the end it seems only Mom is displeased!
I feel inspired to dig a little deeper, pray harder, read the scriptures with increased diligence (frequency and depth). If I can just rely on Him more, then there will be more I won't feel empty at the end of the day, on those rough days. :)
I'll just add one thought to this, as your explanation gave me much more background. It sounded amazing and very insightful and wise. As Lu says, "My mom is very wise." :) It reminded me of a sermon from my old church--I'll get that link to you sometime when I get a chance.
The only thing I want to say briefly, and I'll explain my thoughts more later is that Jesus called us to love others as we love ourselves--not more, not less. However you define love for others needs to be also applied to yourself. I think that obviously God calls us to love him above all else and family is also important...but so are you. Family is still part of the "others." I get what you're saying about you put your time where your heart is truly at...Greg Boyd said in a sermon that most of us live like functional atheists...you know we have our beliefs, which are all well and good, but we don't live any differently than anyone else. We don't spend our time like God is Lord of our lives.
Maybe this is an erroneous assumption, but I guess I just see you as being SO sacrificial of yourself and feeling guilty when you covet time for yourself. I agree with ZippityDoDaw that it's ok. We need to spend time alone, and alone with God, sometimes even when others need us (Jesus did this: Luke 5:15-16). I had a huge epiphany in college when I realized that it was ok to say no--especially when my own personal spiritual and physical health were suffering (I made a poster of those two verses and hung them up in my room). I'm of no use to God if I'm so run down and ragged that I can't see straight (and I'm always crabbier and nastier then, too!!).
I'm learning that there's so much sacrificing that comes with being a mom and it would be easy to be completely defined by those responsibilities...but I have to constantly remind myself that first and foremost, I'm a child of God and that if I don't rest in that identity completely, I will get my "life" out of being a mom and wife and the service that brings rather than accepting the grace and TRUE life that Christ offers. What's the first thing that goes when I'm uberbusy or get up late? Scripture and prayer...ugh...functional atheist.
I just think it's all about truly being present with God at each moment, so open to that still small voice that we can recognize when God is calling us to be alone, go be with a friend or let everything else go and hang out with the kids.
I've also tried to embark on the perfect days--I called it "being constantly present in Christ"--but like you said, I just tend to fall back into the pattern of this world after a couple days...it will be good to have someone to help me stay accountable.
wow...that really wasn't brief...
Great insight G, I know sometimes I feel I have gone on too long, but you really didn't.
There was an article that struck a chord with me in Segullah by CJANE, as you may know she has become somewhat of a "celebrity" in the blogsphere.
The art of self-centeredness
partial extract
"...people always ask me,”What was your mom’s secret to raising children?”
She must’ve had a secret, she had nine babies and didn’t go insane. But if you ask her she’ll reply “I was just sent wonderful spirits!
But I answer, “She was self-centered.”
In a good way. Like, when you are getting safety instructions on a plane and the stewardess explains that if the oxygen masks fall, put the mask on yourself first, and then on the child next to you.
My mom didn’t sign us up for every lesson, team or passing whim. She didn’t want to spend her life drifting here and there in our suburban. When we expressed real interest in a particular past time she saw to it that we had the training we needed, but it was never obsessive.
We went on vacations and family outings to places that she loved. If she read a book about Antelope Island, we’d pile in the suburban the next Saturday and spend our day on that big brown mound in the middle of the Salt Lake. And it was fascinating to us, because it was mesmerizing to her.
She loved to hold tea parties for us. The tea was delicious sugar water, served with Fig Newtons. No child likes Fig Newtons. But that didn’t stop my mother, who thought them quite divine, from buying them weekly.
We did a lot of shopping, because she loved shopping–but only to stores that carried her size as well. So it was that I became a Nordstrom shoe fanatic. Just last month she bought me two pair for my birthday. And two pair for herself.
She always talked me in to handmade invitations because store bought ones were so unoriginal. We had Brick Oven pizza because any other pizza in her mind was lesser. She didn’t “do” wedding receptions because they were too formal, so we had dinner parties.
In short, my mother survived because she was smart enough to see that a little bit of quiet time for her, made for a lot of personal time for us. If she fed herself, she would have enough energy to feed us. Her sacrifice came from giving up pride in the holy mother quest. And she didn’t wear motherhood like it was Sainthood–she wore it like a smart pair of Nine West shoes."
I do believe we are striving for "Christ-centered", but being centered, as in knowing ourselves and meeting OUR needs physically, emotionally, and mentally as we go along should certainly increase our productivity and success. We absolutely must renew and strengthen our spirits through scriptures and prayer as our spirits are what get downtrodden.
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